Shave every other day

Smoke an occasional joint

Listen to music constantly

Never go on a diet

 

Play the guitar

Or the piano

Play the mandolin

Play with yourself

 

Own lots of cookbooks

Make sure they get stained

With oil and mustard and chocolate

Never follow the recipes

 

Talk to strangers

Worship women

Read the classics

And the comics

 

Promise you’ll listen to me

Even if you ignore

Everything I say

 

 

 

 

 

is open to homosexuals, heterosexuals, metrosexuals

(including, but not limited to, David Beckham)

Those in the closet, on the fence, or just curious

about what’s on the other side

Queens, cross-dressers, casual dressers,

the elegant and the fashion-challenged,

Muslims, Jews, and gypsies; Catholics,

Lutherans, and Baptists, Buddhists, Hindus,

and Zoroastrians, Atheists, agnostics, animists,

– and in short  –

Caffeine addicts of any ethnic, religious or non-religious,

sexual group, persuasion, or orientation.

Come in and talk to Moshe.

He’s not picky.

He even talks to me.

 

 

 

I remember the time

I told you something was wrong with Auntie's toilet --

It wouldn’t flush

And you said, It’s a bidet, you idiot

And I said, What’s a bidet?

But you helped me take care of it

 

I remember how we used to box

Only you weren’t allowed to hit me

And still I couldn’t hurt you

You were indestructible

 

I remember the time

You visited me in basic training

And I was so dazed and down

You just gathered my underwear and washed it

Without saying a word

 

And I remember the one time

I took care of you

You wanted me to introduce you

You were gonna sing, “Blue Suede Shoes”

In front of Mom and Dads’ guests

I snuck the booze back into the party

And somehow got you to bed

 

Before we reach the end

One of us will hit the ground

And the other will be there

To pick him up or bury him